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Why Toddlers Fight Bedtime

All of my kids learned to be champion bedtime stallers. Bedtime stalling is a toddler’s big trick; it feels like a staple of toddlerhood. Bedtime struggles are common at this stage, and understanding why your tiny toddler fights bedtime can help you address the issue more effectively.

Why Do Toddlers Fight Bedtime?

Other than sheer obstinance, there are several reasons toddlers fight bedtime, and understanding these will help you create a more peaceful evening routine.

  1. Separation Anxiety

Toddlers often develop a strong attachment to their parents—we actually want this! But bedtime means being separated from their most secure environment—you! They may protest and want to keep you around a little longer.

  1. Testing Boundaries

At this stage, toddlers are learning about boundaries and control. Saying “no” to bedtime or stalling by asking for extra stories or a glass of water allows them to exert independence.

  1. Overstimulation or Overtiredness

When a toddler is overstimulated before bed, either from screen time, playtime, or even a later-than-usual bedtime, they might have a harder time winding down. Interestingly, being overtired can lead to a second wind of energy, making it more difficult for them to fall asleep. You may notice almost “manic” behavior. Laughing and playing, then suddenly bursting into tears and lots of arguments. This is a classic sign your toddler is overtired.

  1. Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)

Toddlers don’t want to miss out on the fun happening around them. If they sense that things are still happening in the house, they may resist going to sleep. FOMO is especially real in younger siblings, so if your toddler has an older brother or sister, be on the lookout for FOMO.

  1. Developmental Changes

Major developmental milestones, like learning new skills or cognitive leaps, can temporarily disrupt sleep patterns. Toddlers’ brains work overtime to process new information, which can interfere with sleep.

Effective Strategies for a Smooth Bedtime Transition

Consistency and boundaries are key when helping your toddler transition from playtime to bedtime. Here are a few tips:

  1. Create a Calming Bedtime Routine

Toddlers thrive on routines, and a consistent bedtime routine helps signal to your child that sleep is coming. Begin winding down 30 minutes to an hour before bedtime with calming activities like reading a book, taking a warm bath, or doing some light stretching. The 30 minutes before bed is a wonderful time to connect with your child and combat separation anxiety.

Pro Tip:

Use the same routine every night, even on weekends or during travel. Consistency will help your child know what to expect and make the transition smoother.

  1. Set Clear Boundaries Around Bedtime

Toddlers love to test boundaries but stay firm and calm when they push back. Create specific bedtime rules like, “After our bedtime story, it’s time to stay in bed” or “Once the lights are out, no more requests for water or extra stories.” Ensure your child knows the rules ahead of time, and stick to them.

Pro Tip:

Give your toddler some autonomy by allowing them to make small choices, such as picking out their pajamas or selecting a bedtime story. Choices give kids a sense of control and generally help them feel more amenable to participating in the activity.

  1. Use Visual Aids or Bedtime Charts

Toddlers are visual learners, and having a bedtime routine chart can be helpful. You can include steps like brushing teeth, reading a book, and snuggling with a favorite stuffed animal. Toddlers love to check things off, so this can make bedtime feel like a fun and rewarding activity. I provide a personalized chart for every family that works with me.

Pro Tip:

Reward them with a sticker each time they complete their bedtime routine without resistance. A simple reward system can motivate toddlers to follow the routine.

  1. Create a Comfortable Sleep Environment

Ensure that your toddler’s sleep environment is cozy and conducive to sleep. Dim the lights, keep the room cool, and reduce noise. Some toddlers also benefit from having a white noise machine to drown out household sounds or soft nightlights to make the room less intimidating.

Pro Tip:

Let your toddler help make the room feel cozy by choosing one or two favorite blankets or stuffed animals for comfort. This sense of ownership can help them feel more at ease.

  1. Address Separation Anxiety Gently

If separation anxiety is a factor, reassure your toddler with a brief, comforting routine like a special goodnight phrase, a favorite lullaby, or a transitional object like a lovey. You can also use a “back in five” approach, reassuring your toddler that you’ll check on them in a few minutes and gradually lengthen the intervals.

Pro Tip:

Avoid staying in the room until they fall asleep, as this can create a dependency. Instead, teach your toddler that they are safe in bed and capable of falling asleep independently.

Helping Your Toddler Learn to Love Bedtime

While the transition to bedtime may not always be easy, you can help your toddler learn to love this time of day with the right strategies. Here are some additional tips to make bedtime more enjoyable:

  • Positive Reinforcement: Praise is a huge deal for kids. Acknowledge their successes and make sure they know you think they are making amazing choices. Positive attention reinforces good behavior.
  • Make Bedtime Fun: Bedtime stories or a special song they look forward to can turn bedtime into a positive experience rather than something to resist.
  • Patience is Key: It’s natural for toddlers to push boundaries, but remaining consistent and patient will help them eventually adapt to the routine and boundaries you set.

By setting firm boundaries and following a consistent, calming routine, bedtime can become a cherished time rather than a battleground. Soon, your toddler will come to expect and even enjoy the quiet, peaceful moments that lead to sleep.

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