The Truth About “Crying it out”
Is It Harmful or Helpful?
The amount of debate in parenting groups on the “cry it out” method is honestly insane. Mention it on a mom forum and be ready to deal with a flood of opinions, stories, and not a little judgment. So, what’s the real deal with letting your baby cry it out and should you try it?
Let’s get to the facts so you can make an informed, guilt-free decision that’s best for your family.
What is “Crying It Out,”?
“Crying it out” (CIO) typically refers to a sleep training method where a baby is allowed to cry for a set amount of time before being comforted, or in some versions, not comforted at all during bedtime. The goal? To help babies learn to fall asleep independently without needing to be rocked, fed, or soothed every time they wake. The baby cries because typically up until this point they have been rocked, fed or soothed TO sleep. And crying is the only way your baby has to tell you they’re upset.
This approach is often linked to the Ferber Method, which involves checking in at timed intervals but not picking up the baby.
Why Are Parents Talking About It Now?
With sleep deprivation reaching peak levels between 4–7 months (thanks to regressions, teething, and endless night wakings), many parents are desperate for a solution. Sleep training, especially CIO, is gaining popularity again thanks to TikTok testimonials, podcast episodes, and exhausted moms looking for a way to get some sleep back. CIO is the most common method and requires little planning or preparation.
What the Research Says
Here’s the big surprise for some: studies don’t show long-term harm from sleep training, including methods that involve short-term crying. In fact, research suggests that babies who are sleep trained show no increased risk of emotional or attachment issues later in childhood.
That said, not every baby, or parent, is ready for it. And that’s okay.
Things to Consider Before Trying It
- Age Matters
Most pediatricians agree that sleep training shouldn’t begin before 4–6 months of age, when babies are developmentally capable of sleeping longer stretches and don’t need to feed every few hours. - Your Baby’s Personality
Some babies respond quickly and easily to gentle sleep training. Others… not so much. If your baby has a more intense temperament, a slower and more supportive method may work better. - Consistency is Key
No matter what sleep approach you use, being consistent matters. Mixed signals (soothing one night, letting them cry the next) tend to prolong the struggle.
Alternatives to Crying It Out
Not ready to go full CIO? Great news: there are plenty of gentler methods.
- Pick-Up/Put-Down: Soothe your baby when they cry, then place them back in the crib once calm. Repeat as needed.
- Chair Method: Sit next to your baby as they fall asleep, gradually moving farther away each night. I used the chair method for my baby and recommend it frequently.
- Fading: Slowly reduce the amount of help you give your baby at bedtime (less rocking, less feeding to sleep, etc.).
Sleep training is a personal choice, and “cry it out” is just one of many options. What works for one family may not work for another and that’s okay! You are the expert on your baby, and no blog post (including mine!) knows your family better than you do.
If you’re ready to improve sleep but don’t want to go it alone, I offer personalized coaching to help you find a sleep solution that fits your baby’s temperament and your parenting style.
You’ve got this, even when you’re running on caffeine and under-eye concealer.
